In search for Infinity

If reading too much about cameras could cause somebody to cough out blood, then I would have died on a pool of my own blood right now. A sea of deep, thick, slimy blood that screams of the owner's masochistic torture of self-induced GASing.

You see, I've been searching for the perfect camera to replace my sacrificial lamb, Nirvana, for weeks now. After giving my enlightenment away to some anti-social gadget freak in exchange for some cash, I went ahead and searched for my Mugen. From tipidpc.com to sulit.com.ph to henryscameraphoto.com, Chrome-san already knows them by heart. It's been my daily routine for the last 2-3 weeks. Even my cousin asked me what do I get from staring at the prices of cameras all day, I said "I was hoping they would magically go down so I could buy one." But of course, they don't and what would magically appear were the little auras I get whenever I have a migraine. If I feel the need to stretch and go out, I would go to my Mecca and have blood oozing out from my eyes and ears instead. I've been to 24k, Meyer's, Henry's, M20, Avenue and all the other camera stores in Hidalgo, I could tell which stores offer which by now so call me the "Hidalgo-hime". All hail the Hidalgo-himesama! OTL

I was so desperate that I even ditched a meet-up with a friend to kiss someone's you-know-what, hoping to please that someone so she could become my Daddy Long Legs and I, her Judy Abbott. See? The lowest of the low.

But what can I do? This is the first time my heart thumped for something aside from paper bishounen. It's thumping so hard that I can barely sleep at night, it beats so fast that it hurts. Whenever I close my eyes, I could see images

Of Ichu's swelling belly

Of Utoy, Jigen and Yael's smiles

Of the moments I might miss

So I stay up, stare at the numbers

and dream awake.

More cheese please! :D

My married girl friend said that her husband never gets angry because he believes that the time spent being mad at each other is such a waste.

But I say getting mad at each other and putting an effort to make up after is an opportunity to fall in love with our partners all over again, so it's all worth it.

After a fight, food tastes better, jokes are funnier and shoujo manga are cheesier. Don't you agree? :D

The evidence that pointed out there's fire

It's been a day since we've since his giant blue head, when I said "No, you can't."

I'm going to ask you, even though I'll be better without knowing

Did you or did you not?

This Old Man

There's this Old Man from our neighborhood whose steps are like of a baby's.

Step, step. step, step. Pause. Step, step, step. Stop. Step, step. step, step. Sigh.

One, two, three, four, five up to twenty steps and yet he's just half way across the street, which people usually cross in three or four easy strides. Whenever he wants to sit, he has to lean on a tree, or on a lamp post or has to get a good aim and pray that his butt reaches its destination safely. (Or something like that.) I once asked Momsie about him and she recalled that this Old Man suffered from a stroke, which affected his motor skills.

The first time I took notice of this Old Man was during Popsie's wake. When everybody else was busy betting for their numbers on the Terembe table or was busy cracking pumpkin seeds, or was busy refilling their glasses with the blushing horse, he was there in his uncoordinated stance, clumsily cleaning tables, arranging chairs and offering more pumpkin seeds to crack to Pops' mourners. He touched my heart, he did. But I was so busy that I soon forgot about him until I saw him recently, not on our streets but in Quiapo. He was there, really! He was bravely waddling his way through the busy streets of Hidalgo. Doing the steps he has memorized since God-knows-when while dodging pedicabs and horse manure.

I know it's pathetic to draw courage from someone else's pain but forgive me if I already did. I am currently unemployed so I am also in pain. Sheesh, what a bad joke. I am sorry. Escaping from too serious topics about me is part of my personality, I'm a Scorpio, you see.

Old Man, you would always be part of my inspiration. Thank you.

But seriously speaking, I think I'm just like him. Clumsily waddling through life's manure. (Oh, hello euphemism, I missed you!) Pausing, stopping, sighing to breathe whenever I can so I won't find myself in the deeper compost of more sheeeet.

Or maybe I'm just making excuses. What the hell--? Whatever.