Are You There, Kurt?

I think I need a drastic change in my life and I know the easiest change that I can make is to resign from my work and look for another one. But you see, I am really inching towards the goal of being a photographer/ graphic artist for the past years and as I've said before, I think I'm becoming too visual so that might be a perfect job for me. I've been scouting for cameras, stalking great photographers in DA, checking out editing lessons and downloading e-books about photography and digital artistry to back up my career nirvana. I can barely wait for my Christmas bonus to get the ball rolling.

But Death came for Popsie faster than I can say Christmas and smashed all my happy thoughts. In my 24 years of existence, I experienced my first heart break. It weighed me down, one regretful tear after another. But persistence prevailed, and somehow I was still in flight. Slow and dragging. like a bee with honey in its belly. And when I've finally gathered all my broken thoughts, Lola decided to stay 82 forever and this time Death shook all the pixie dusts away.

I was Wendy, no more.


~
So forgive me if it's hard for me to keep my optimism these days. I feel like dragging the days to the point where I am back to my old, worry-free self or fast-forward it to a time when the pain already said bye bye. Oh sh*t, no crying please.

And also, forgive me if I think some problems are rather childish compared to what I am going through at the moment. That's the major reason why I hated going to work the whole time my Lola was hospitalized and even after she was buried, I can't imagine what my reaction would be if a customer would rant on my ears about their internet connection problem like it's the end of the world. You fcuk*ng asshole, give me my Popsie and Lola back and I'll give you your internet connection!

Ah, and yes, I still want to pursue nirvana.