Of Past, Plans and Infinity

Hello 2011! Even though I'm kinda late in welcoming you to my blog, please do not take it against me and give me a hard time like what 2009 did. I didn't get along with 2009 very much but you, we've only been together for 15 days yet I feel like you're someone I can be good friends with this year. I think we can work things out pretty well and that's good to know, right?

Emotion with a Z.. :D

I would always have the graphic novel The Dream Hunters (collaboration by Yoshitaka Amano and Neil Gaiman) to thank for in my discovery of Zhang Jingna.

I was amazed by the Amano - Gaiman combination so I wanted to see other artworks that would depict the beauty and grace of the Fox in the story that I fell in love with. (Please purchase the novel if you're interested to know the story! :D) I searched randomly for tags like "fox", "dream hunters", etc in DeviantArt.com when I found Jingna's interpretation of the Fox:

Image scanned by a friend.

I was blown away. It's as if the Fox went to her studio and asked Zhang Jingna to take her pictures. Her interpretation captured what I imagined the fox's appearance and demeanor would be if she's real. :D I browsed through her gallery and instantly became a fan. 'zemotion's gallery is a feast for the eyes, I am telling you. (click on the link to visit her complete list of works.)

But after the "Ooohhhh~" and the "Wow!" I thought, "Yeah, so she's just another good photographer. Big deal." I was ready to shrug her existence off again and move on but as I read her blog (which I follow), she slowly turned into an inspiration. I laughed at her silly dream of becoming a Gundam pilot, pleased to know that she also loves Japanese culture and felt hopeful when she revealed what her equipments were when she was just starting her photography career (For I am dreaming to enter the world of photography too.. :D). I was also humbled by her life experiences, they weren't easy but she survived. :)

So, I like her photography because I think it radiates her personality. Strong, passionate and definitely amazing.. :)

And here's my Strike Freedom, I asked him to do a cute pose for you.. :D Smile, Ms. Zhang Jingna, please know that somebody here in Manila continues to dream and you're one of the reasons why.

Firefly Dreamages~ ^0^/"/

Nathan and I were talking about pictures through SMS a while ago. Being the late bloomer that he is, he was rumbling about how pictures prolong memories and how it can be passed on to the next generation, of course assuming that they would be interested enough to look at them. And being the blunt me whenever he's around, I said: "I thought you'll never realize. Late boomer ka talaga, noh?". Teehee, Forgive me, Tan. You're the only person I do consider a friend during my two-year stay at CVG and I hope that you do know the reason behind my bluntness towards you is affection. Yeah, a crazy, kinda messed-up way of showing my lurrrvvve. *heart* We've always had that "what-you-see-is-what-you-get" friendship and you're the only person in this whole wide universe who would be lukaret enough to ask me to buy a "you-know-what" from Recto for him. I always cringe at the memory but it was somehow refreshing since it's a complete 180 from my usual wholesome image. LOL.

Yes, pictures are memories so you need to make and take lots and lots. Let me tell you, when I was scheduled for an interview for the photographer post I applied for months ago, I was thinking for an appropriate answer to come up with in case they ask why I'm into photography. I was ready to answer, to capture memories. Yuck, that sounded like an ad for Kodak. Hoho, but yeah, cheesy as it may sound that would have been my answer. Luckily, they asked me more important questions like "Do you usually dress up like that?". I was wearing my usual jeans and t-shirt since their job ad mentioned something about being one's self, so I said "Yeah." Hmmn, maybe that was the reason why I didn't get the post. Lol. Maybe they should rename their company, The Modelling Agency instead of "The P------ ------y". Or maybe I shouldn't be too stupid either, and update my resume with the correct contact number. But that's a different story. OTL

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Well, anyway, there I go again. Incoherent is incoherent. :p

As a finishing touch, I bring you the ice cream on top of the mumbo jumbo:

http://essiehime.tumblr.com/

Firefly Dreamages.. :)

Shameless promotion of the new photo blog.. :)

What, a girl can dream, right? :D

In search for Infinity

If reading too much about cameras could cause somebody to cough out blood, then I would have died on a pool of my own blood right now. A sea of deep, thick, slimy blood that screams of the owner's masochistic torture of self-induced GASing.

You see, I've been searching for the perfect camera to replace my sacrificial lamb, Nirvana, for weeks now. After giving my enlightenment away to some anti-social gadget freak in exchange for some cash, I went ahead and searched for my Mugen. From tipidpc.com to sulit.com.ph to henryscameraphoto.com, Chrome-san already knows them by heart. It's been my daily routine for the last 2-3 weeks. Even my cousin asked me what do I get from staring at the prices of cameras all day, I said "I was hoping they would magically go down so I could buy one." But of course, they don't and what would magically appear were the little auras I get whenever I have a migraine. If I feel the need to stretch and go out, I would go to my Mecca and have blood oozing out from my eyes and ears instead. I've been to 24k, Meyer's, Henry's, M20, Avenue and all the other camera stores in Hidalgo, I could tell which stores offer which by now so call me the "Hidalgo-hime". All hail the Hidalgo-himesama! OTL

I was so desperate that I even ditched a meet-up with a friend to kiss someone's you-know-what, hoping to please that someone so she could become my Daddy Long Legs and I, her Judy Abbott. See? The lowest of the low.

But what can I do? This is the first time my heart thumped for something aside from paper bishounen. It's thumping so hard that I can barely sleep at night, it beats so fast that it hurts. Whenever I close my eyes, I could see images

Of Ichu's swelling belly

Of Utoy, Jigen and Yael's smiles

Of the moments I might miss

So I stay up, stare at the numbers

and dream awake.

More cheese please! :D

My married girl friend said that her husband never gets angry because he believes that the time spent being mad at each other is such a waste.

But I say getting mad at each other and putting an effort to make up after is an opportunity to fall in love with our partners all over again, so it's all worth it.

After a fight, food tastes better, jokes are funnier and shoujo manga are cheesier. Don't you agree? :D

The evidence that pointed out there's fire

It's been a day since we've since his giant blue head, when I said "No, you can't."

I'm going to ask you, even though I'll be better without knowing

Did you or did you not?

This Old Man

There's this Old Man from our neighborhood whose steps are like of a baby's.

Step, step. step, step. Pause. Step, step, step. Stop. Step, step. step, step. Sigh.

One, two, three, four, five up to twenty steps and yet he's just half way across the street, which people usually cross in three or four easy strides. Whenever he wants to sit, he has to lean on a tree, or on a lamp post or has to get a good aim and pray that his butt reaches its destination safely. (Or something like that.) I once asked Momsie about him and she recalled that this Old Man suffered from a stroke, which affected his motor skills.

The first time I took notice of this Old Man was during Popsie's wake. When everybody else was busy betting for their numbers on the Terembe table or was busy cracking pumpkin seeds, or was busy refilling their glasses with the blushing horse, he was there in his uncoordinated stance, clumsily cleaning tables, arranging chairs and offering more pumpkin seeds to crack to Pops' mourners. He touched my heart, he did. But I was so busy that I soon forgot about him until I saw him recently, not on our streets but in Quiapo. He was there, really! He was bravely waddling his way through the busy streets of Hidalgo. Doing the steps he has memorized since God-knows-when while dodging pedicabs and horse manure.

I know it's pathetic to draw courage from someone else's pain but forgive me if I already did. I am currently unemployed so I am also in pain. Sheesh, what a bad joke. I am sorry. Escaping from too serious topics about me is part of my personality, I'm a Scorpio, you see.

Old Man, you would always be part of my inspiration. Thank you.

But seriously speaking, I think I'm just like him. Clumsily waddling through life's manure. (Oh, hello euphemism, I missed you!) Pausing, stopping, sighing to breathe whenever I can so I won't find myself in the deeper compost of more sheeeet.

Or maybe I'm just making excuses. What the hell--? Whatever.